Blogging About by Nizie: 2006

November Rain or Sun Shine

Halmi reckoned I have gone mad. My chaotic neighbour thought it is an excellent excuse to take a sick leave from work. Fat chance I went to work today. But, there is a reason to why I took liberty to get up and get moving in the month of November rain.

November seems to be the most appropriate time to revisit on the things I have done in the last year before setting new goals for 2007, coincidentally it is a rainy season of the year. Of course every quarterly, I try my best to work closely (whenever I remember!) on my well being; my wealth and health every now and then. Unfortunately, the wealth side seems to crawl like a turtle just like every year. To make matters worst, the health department is not so promising either. In the last 11 months, there was so little time and effort concerning health.

I can hear my body crying for help. Feeling so lethargic even before the day begun was a norm. Furthermore, my chronic mood swings were going hay wire. It could go sky high one minute and go down six feet under the next. And poor hubby had to put up with my royal highness whims that could be unreasonable sometimes. Sorry Darling. Not to mention my stress level was becoming more apparent. I could be cursing people like a mad woman or cry like a baby the next. Call it insanity! Evidently, I noticed a chili red tip on my tongue, indicating emotional stress according to best-seller author dietician, Dr Gillian from her book You Are What You Eat..It just confirms that health and lowering the stress level ought to be my priority in life now. I feel old already. Ouch!

Your tongue is the window to your internal organs. While staring at the wet world outside from the glass window, I could hear my inner voice echoing Dr Gillian in my mind. If I just sit her feeling sorry I can’t go out, nothing is going to happen whether rain or shine. Mind me, for the last 1 month I have been exercising regularly; swimming, walking, running, dancing and even stair-climbing. Not to mention, watching what and when I eat, complements the get up and get moving activities which has been incorporated in my daily routine. But, I feel it’s just not enough. I wanted to do something more. Something more fun and challenging.
Staring at the red bicycle parked in front of my cozy garden, I could tell Le Run was just waiting for me to get up on her and cycle to nowhere. She was practically hinting to me to ride on her. I could hear her nagging how it’s now or never, psychologically. Haha. And that was exactly what I did.

My silly neighbour, the cycling freak just teased me more with the notion. I could hear her screaming at me from her patio how we should go cycling and let go the fear. She was observing me from the opened door of my lounge. Wash out all the negative intensity of work which has been submerged all day, she said. And why not!

Like a ray of lighting, I was all geared up in my cycling attire including the helmet from out of a space. Literally. And my cycling partner was coaxing me with the idea. I cant believe she managed to persuade me to cycle. Suprisingly, it was an adventurous experience at 9 pm on wet Tuesday evening for both of us since our normal routine, on foot was walking and running.

It’s funny how fun we had playing in the rain. We were cycling up and down the hill. Round and round the neighbourhood while pushing ourselves to the next level and going on as far as our legs can take. It is hard work I tell you but the stretched muscle just stirs away the hardship and replaced it with satisfaction. I was feeling so energized, alert and wanted to move forward and cycle some more. But the rain kept pouring and my vision was blurred away. Unfortunately, the session had to put to an end for the day as lightning and thunder was flashing right in front of us. On the way back home, I notice the surroundings as I passed and felt as if I just cycled to life. It is certain now my lifestyle needs a positive change for the new year of 2007. And as a start, I look forward for this evening for another cycling workout, whether November rain or Sun shine.

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Blogging A Mental Therapy

Blogging a Mental Therapy

Here I am looking around my workstation, observing what else to do. My tabletop looks so clean and empty, reminding me how it looked when I first joined the company. I look outside and see the lovely sun shining proudly down on earth. The haze is beginning to disappear probably due to the morning rain.

Speaking of the rain, I remembered that when I walked out my gate this morning, the air and the wet roads just reminded me of the wet London that once used to be. I suppose London would a little warmer now that it is autumn. Nevertheless it is not the whether that should change things around but how we approach to things be it rain or shine.

Life is not like a bed of roses. I could here my uncle’s voice echoing in my head. It is the challenge we face that stirs how you feel. You may have thousand and one problems that come in bulks but what is important is how you approach to the problem. You can choose to be unhappy by collecting negative thoughts and stay with it or you could turn around the problem into an opportunity of a lifetime.

I learnt the hard way. I let whatever the problem I face absorbed into me and let my emotions control my mind. But after sitting on the problem I realised that there is no solution to it. In fact I felt even more miserable by the day. I turned to a new self-discovery that in order to minimize the sorrows and to stay happy is to make the best of what you are doing effectively, even though it is not in your favour. It is all up to you.

Likewise, a transfer to a new working environment, which I will embark tomorrow, should be taken without conditions. Taking into account, the professional and personal development that I have collected so far may help me to polish the skills I have acquired, and at the same time learn new things with new ideas at a new environment. I am blessed that I shall be in a position that requires strategic thinking and planning. It shall give me a bigger exposure to be a team player with such enormous people involve throughout Malaysia at least.

Staring at the keyboards, I understand why lots of people around the globe chose to blog. Some people chose blogging to ventilate their sorrows, share their happiness, promote their product offerings or even simply for fun. But whatever it is, I feel it help us to think clearer of the next steps in whatever you do. Shopping may be a retail therapy, but I feel blogging is definitely a mental therapy.

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All I am asking for

It is 3.10 pm on a Tuesday afternoon. I look out the window and see how gloomy the whether is. There are fewer cars than normal days. Probably it is because of the New Year holidays. I turn around and hear laughter of my colleague of some crapy jokes he made. I look around and see everyone stucking their nose to their reading materials they have on their desks. Trying to look busy when there is nothing much to do. I could tell they just cant wait for 6 pm, which is far than 3 hours to go. Sigh.

Like the rest of my colleagues, my mind drifts away to somewhere in outer space. Thinking and imagining where would my life lead to. Hoping that dreams come true. Finding my inner most passion and contentment of what reflects my personality. Still searching for my empty soul, which waits to be transformed to a beautiful dove with brains.

Sometimes, I feel my soul is in an unmatched body. Not that because I hate my physical appearance. But, because I am disappointed in how I am now. I have given in to temptation with the luxury of food, sleep and laziness. Which is not how it is supposed to be! I craved to be the girl who had everything under control, once again.

I was such a determined, dedicated, hard-working person, who believed that you can make dreams come true. Just by believing in myself. Be it in your health, career, marriage or anything under the sun. What happened to that girl? Gone with the wind.

But wait..! Something hit me this morning. I just realized over the years it is not too late to achieve what you want. I can still be happy. I can still reach for the sky. I can still make things happen the way I want. As a start, I could start putting some effort. Small efforts can create big impact through time.

I still could do things I like without sacrificing my happiness. Try to get things in control. It is like doing pilates. It all starts and ends at powerhouse. It may be hard at first, but practice makes perfect. By practicing we will get better. For that, I have started my exercise regime.

Being discipline in whatever you do is the key to strive what you want most. Nobody said it is easy. By being discipline, I could still be a devoted mother, a loving wife, and career lady as well as being an individual. Even though, I am about to take this responsibility, I know I can do it. All I need is your support. Just be there by my side. That is all I am asking for.

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14 Days Notice

Exactly fourteen days from today, I will breakaway from the hustle bustle of the city to the exotic beach bum of Bali. Wow time flies and I am still fat as ever. Help me God!

While composing this brief expression of myself, my mind drifts back to article by David Kirsch’s Body Makeover. It is quiet amazing to know of the success stories from people of being fat and obese transforming into superstar supermodels.

These so-called super models did not take pills the night before and became slim as Samsung mobile phones. Hell no. This book detailed the essence of achieving a great body boils down to pure discipline and dedication of oneself, especially in 14 days.

My heart sank thinking of the many times I attempted but failed even at Day 1. Though, the workout looked easy and simple, try doing it. Wahh lann! I had aches many days just because of one good solid workout. No doubt Kirsch emphasized that he designed the magical body sculpture workout to synch with our body flexibility, where he claimed that there is no need to give your muscles a rest except of one rest day in the week. But hello, I have not been working out since 2 weeks ago.

Then, I realised I am a sort of person, who loves the pressure. I guess it is the career that I am in, drives me. Hence, 14 days for a makeover? Would it be possible? Could I take the challenge with the sky being the limits? Its my call.Its whether I want to do it or not.

As a start, I shall go home today and start motivating myself to go where I have never been before. If in 14 days, I see some significant changes in my physical appearance, I know I am there!

Remember, it is all about regimental practice, and enjoy doing things you love. In the meantime, I shall need proper quality of food intake, exercise regularly and constantly stirring up to look forward to the new me. I shall need to practice a strict food in take. Don’t worry it will be worth the effort. After all it is only 14 days.

28.06.06

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Red, Black & Girl’s Night Out

The joy and laughter we all shared last weekend were fantastic. From the time we gathered at Villa Daniela to the wee hours of the morning at the new transformed Savanh.

Extraordinary Eva:
She has a big sincere heart with amazing creative ideas. Eva never fails to make each and everyone forget a night with her. She is one crazy woman who is out to do all the amazing little things that could impact the entire club! The Glow in the Dark Bangles was awesome. Thank you for putting the pieces together. That's what Extraordinary Eva does best!

Zealous Zaza
Zaza who is zealous with energy all night long, just cracks us up with her hillarious moods, movement and laughter. She went to return the veil and the next thing you know she dissapeared with another man. Hahaha

Fabulous Farah
Thank you for taking the liberty to join and share these lovely moments with us, who came all the way from Jakarta. It was all paid off as her presence, her smile and her chic look was big hit, amongst us as well as the guys - a rose amongst the thorns Woohooo!

Surprising Shaheen
Wow such a wonderful surprise as we stepped in Villa Daniela. The exquisite Italian cuisine was much more tha fitting into six tummy’s. The food was fabulous!
Shocking Sabreen
While we were all busy miggling around with the crowd, shocking sabreen got busy with a guy who just kept clinging on to her without letting her move an inch. Sorry we didnt rescue you. :)

Rythmic & Rockin Ranjini
This girl needs no introduction any further. The Rythmic and rocking Ranjini who amazed the entire club with her harmonious dance moves. I couldn’t help noticing that as soon as Ranjini performed, all eyes were on her and not the tv screens.C heers to Ranjini, She is More than the FIFA World Cup Germany 2006! Way to go Girl!

Ruby Rekha
Our lovely jewel of the night. The ever reliable Ruby Rekha who restlessly took care of our belongings and making sure the remaining bottles left unopened was park safely, so we could all return to the new Savanh the next time. Our saviour!

Thank you all for letting me stay till the end. I had the most spectacular memories of each and everyone of you in my mind, whichI shall keep for the rest of my life. And to all the peeps who will tie the knot soon.

Remember Extraordinary Eva, Zealous Zaza, Fabulous Farah, Surprising Shaheen, Shocking Sabreen, Rhythmic & Rocking Ranjini and Ruby Rekha ,
Remember Red & Black and the lovely evening we had at Savanh 17 June 2006.

That’s the story of the Girl's Crazy Night Out. Peace.

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The 91 Year Old Beautiful Mind

She looked outside the window. Waiting and waiting for someone to come.She looked up and noticed the lovely blue sky shining into her room with a view, ignoring the four walls surrounding her motionlessly.

Finally, she heard a pronounced sound of a car engine that seems soothing to her ears, though on normal day it could be annoying. She can’t seem to hide away her happiness as soon as her grandnephew walked past through the gate. Her joy and happiness just emerged instantly as she noticed him and his wife knocking at her door. Just the people she expects on Fridays with the hopes those lonesome days would just vanish. And it did.

As we walked in to Nanny’s room, I noticed how utterly happy she was to see us again. My hubby and I have been visiting Nanny every Friday since the fasting month. The grand aunt-in-law of mine was looking fit and strong even at 91 years old. Her body language, her laughter and her expression says it all. A bear hug was not enough for her though my hubby and I had one each. The warmth feeling of love through her hug opened up my world to a new dimension. The sense of belonging she felt was enough for her. I gather it is better than being sad and lonely.

Just then, while my hubby and I were talking to her, we noticed her lovely eyes speaking with so much enthusiasm, telling us how well she is and how she is grateful despite our busy lives we managed to spend our Friday nights with her. And we felt honored to the ones on her mind these past few weeks.

While Nanny was busy talking to hubby, it never occurred to me how it would be for me if I managed to pass 90 years old. She spoke about her life being a child, a teenager, a wife, a mother, grand mother and also a great grand mother. She spoke highly of ups and downs, her achievements in her career as well as her regrets. Without realizing, my mind just fast forwarded like a remote control in 61 years to the future and came back to the present.

I sat there looking at Nanny again and reflecting on my life. I realized when we are fit and young, we all do everything in our power to lift up a certain standard in life. As the world evolves into an era of modernization, we just get ourselves busier with commitments at work just to stay obsessively competitive. Only to realize our actions are at the expense of our surroundings – family, friends and the burning desire to do things you love. We tend to put things on hold, but year after year it is still kept in the closet waiting for the right time comes. Before you know it, our surrounding changes too. You will realize that your parents get weaker, your children have grown and things get worse in your life, simply because of the devotion to work and the expense of other beautiful things in life. Of course you will make it big in your career. But is that all we live for? How about other things like how much did we really pay attention to our family or even the passion we have for other things? I can hear myself saying, if not now, when?

Just then, Nanny’s sweet soothing smile made me appreciate time is gold. It’s not too late to share your joy and happiness to the people you love and do the things you have passion in. Enjoying a work balance helps us to enjoy the moments of life, while appreciating the good things we have. And thanks to Nanny my conscience are clear. I have learnt the value of a 91 year old Beautiful Mind this Ramadhan that is larger than life. Alhamdulillah.

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The Cup of Life

I felt the sun shone right through me as I opened my eyes, “ Oh My! I am so late for work!” It was approximately 8.30 am and I am still in bed. I suddenly remembered the week review of Endie’s Friendsters bulletin board, how sleepy one would be on the 10 January 2006. Nevertheless, I quickly rushed myself to get ready, thinking I am late because of the infamous Cup of Life – World Cup Germany 2006.

The World Cup Germany 2006 a.k.a Cup of Life marks an important event to the humankind, where the world brimming with emotions comes together. I could see all kind of expressions on the faces of many. Some were anxious and eager to find a good table so they could watch the Game in comfort; some were frantically looking high and low to find any place so long, they can blend in the crowd. But what I saw in these strong supporters of France and Italy last night was the desperate hopes that their teams would win.

The desperate hope of winning was clearly seen on everyone’s face. I noticed that from their tone of voice, the body language even from their laughter, anger or the intense silence were more pronounce as the maturity of time got closer. Essentially, I wondered at that moment, how do men in shorts managed to glue 1.5 billion pair of eyes worldwide, straight through the tally screens, even at 2 to 5 am on a Monday morning?

I like to believe it’s all about the excitement of life. In my opinion, the intense moment that we feel during this game is we picture ourselves being in the battlefield. All the challenges in life we may face revolved around this invisible four walls. In other words, it is a test of endurance on how well we encounter the challenges in life, the resistance to hardship and the determination to touch the Cup. The strategic plans and tactics adopted by “our team” forms our psychology confidence of aggressive and/or defensive efforts to succeed in life. Also, with a bid of luck, you might go further than you think!

Standing in the middle of space between the Curve and Cineleisure, amongst the hundreds of people watching the Game, I just realised I am beginning to love the challenges of the unknown of the Game. This is the ending World Cup Germany 2006 and the beginning of my new exploration in football.

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Your Regular, Nizie?

It is still freezing at 9.35 in the bright morning of Thursday. I walked into the office and felt the chilled even at the first step. It is quiet annoying, that we helplessly can’t do a thing about it. The bloody whole building is ice cold especially from 9 to 6pm.
And apparently, it has been this way for many many years. Crazy!

So, as they say if you can’t beat them, join them. To keep myself warm, I had to be cover myself as if I am in Siberia. Looking like a black penguin, I wear a huge thick black sweater, which happens to be my hubby’s, to cover my entire upper body. I even have to wear boots to work everyday, and if I wear sandals my little toes will go pale and if I am unlucky it will go blue-black. Typing my thoughts at this moment, I have to struggle pressing the keyboards as I want to protect my fingers from terrible “icy whether”. God, I feel like an Eskimo already!

Now, it is 3.30 pm, and I just had a structural product briefing, presented by Smith Barney, represented by an intellectual gentleman from the Asia Pacific Equity Derivatives division from the United States. He is quiet a remarkable chap, with his expertise in options and structured products. However, the downside of his presentation was his inability to capture the audiences like myself. I was half awake until the tea lady whispered to me. Your regular, Nizie?

A few minutes later, oomph, the intricate inner feeling of that touch of power, unexplained yet real, that comes in my cuppa filled with hot plain jet black coffee. It’s Aaahhhh! Try being my shoe, in a huge gigantic freezer, desperately looking for a warm focal point. My satisfying no sugar-no cream-just plain black coffee!

Trying not to show my inner expression of my thoughts, I looked around pheeww, everyone still looked as blur as I last knocked out for a few seconds. As time goes by while sipping my cup, I finally understood what the presentation was all about. Being part of the Citigroup, I would say how remarkable Smith Barney’s presentation was and how well they deliver their brand promise. Special thanks to the power in my cuppa coffee!

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The Birthday Bliss

Just before 1 am, I was seated on my high stool at my peninsular kitchen with a notebook on the black marble stone counter, trying to burn the midnight oil. I had some outstanding work to finish and it was almost 5 in the morning. I was struggling to lift up my sleepy eyes. Being anal of deadlines, I knew I needed to wrap up before the dawn of 29 July 2006. It just something I had to do so I will enjoy my birthday celebration the next day, should there be a plan. Finally, I’m done. I just marched towards my garden to get some fresh air.

Looking outside at my lovely garden, from the pegola bench at 6 in the morning all-alone, reminded myself that today marks an important day of my life. My vision suddenly focused on the wooden chime looking so cozy between the bushy scented-kesidang branches with the maroon fengy-penny petals dropping to the ground. Hoping my 30th year birthday celebration would look as cozy as my garden. My thoughts just vanished when I heard the continuous beeping as a warning of the text messages coming through from my O2 mobile.

I had messages coming through for midnight. I just smiled to myself seeing how all these messages just came through and through. Smiling to myself, I thought I should retire soon. Feeling a sense of satisfaction on the completion of my work, I just washed up and went to bed.

“ Tonight, we are going to dinner. Just you and me,” hubby announced a few minutes before 8 pm. I just nodded thinking where will he take me. Nonetheless, I got ready, and looking at my short hair of 1-½ inches from hair scalp again, I just made it messier with the hair wax.

As we walk-in the restaurant, I was surprised to know that reservations were awaiting for us, but I was even more speechless and flabbergasted, to see a whole bunch of family, cousins and close friends all gathering a round the table awaiting for our arrival. I was practically smiling from ear to ear to see these beautiful characters looking up at me.

These are the people, who I have not seen for a while, and have come together to be with me on this special day. Their sincerity of smiles just filled up the room with the jovial pep talks, the joyful experience and some sorrows. Nevertheless, the moment being together just made me realised we are never going to be forever young. Year by year, we will age and by the time you know it, your lifestyle and priorities will change as well. We may not see each and everyone again, at this very table. But the memories of my birthday bliss turn out to be just as cozy as my garden, or even more. My thoughtful memories of my special day will linger together with shared personalities that successfully made a big positive impact on the big 3-0 of my life.

29.07.2006

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Our Groovy Getaway

Some say it resembles the richness of the art and culture. Others may say it simply a relaxing paradise island. But the Bali Beauty in my definition is one of the grooviest getaways I ever had in years.

While gathering my thoughts at this moment, I smile to see the lovely sun shining down on me while the breezy wind slapping my round face. It just feels so right from where I am now. The rooftop of Mercure, in the infinity pool overlooking the splendid view of the Kuta beach just takes my breath away. It is amazing to see God’s Creation, remarkably especially through the beetled sunglass, which rested firmly on my flat nose. Wow, feels great after a stretchable swim leaving a tint of sun tanning all over my skin. An afternoon swim, while enjoying the freshness of the air and sipping a hot Indonesian ginger tea just made my day more enjoyable.

My mind flashed back to the mind blowing Ku De Ta, where Fen & Frans brought us yesterday. It is just spectacular. My closest comparison to it is our KL-Lunar Bar over looking the metropolitan of KL, minus the city, the open-air swimming pool. It is a lot bigger and classier in space with an ambience, out of this world. What amazes me most is the cosy setting giving a full view of the endless ocean. Dusk is the best! Just darkness, highlighted with a romantic lighting of the candles was simply elegant. Looking around the ambience of Ku De Ta, I was mesmerized of the complete feeling of the presence of my love ones – Halmi, who was so engrossed in his video clipping of the sunset and of course, the newly weds, who were all over each other, snapping pictures on their honeymoon. I come to realised I am so blessed to have my best friend, the blonde-haired Indonesian girl, with us. I truly missed this missy with “penguin feet”, who I haven’t seen over a year. All those wonderful memories of the joy and laughter, the growing pains we went through together just submerged back in my mind from Sunway to the Melbourne days. Time flies. We are now grown adults and happily married after 10 good years of friendship. And, what amuses me is that she just has not changed a bit, loud, exposed (checkout her boobs, hehe) and is crazy as ever! Smiling to myself while being watched by my hubby from a far, he knew what was on my mind.

Halmi thought Bali was exactly a replica of Hawaii. The breezy fresh cooling air from the winter from Australia transported us to a new laid-back environment. It seems like a disease that has spread all around Kuta at being a beach bummer. We were completely stress and worry-free, and the sound of the waves splashing the beach shore brought my attention to the mushroomed tourists on Kuta beach. It is lovely to see the smiles and the eagerness of these bule (kui lo / Mat Salleh) at learning how to surf from where I was standing, especially with the fluctuation of the rhythmic waves. I gather this is an excellent hobby to go body boarding, what more surfboarding. Drifting again, my mind went back to the moment we stepped down at Denpasar 3 nights ago. The excitement and hope we had in our eyes were far more than what we expected.

My imagination just vanished as the mobile phone rang. Halmi and I looked at each other and laughed. It was the infamous loud, crazy outspoken Fen! Halmi and I agreed that first phone call from her 3 days ago was the beginning of our groovy getaway.

16.07.2006

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Awaken From Sleep

Waking up early today was like a walk in the park. Unbelievable. I was never a morning riser, although I tried to be one. During weekends were the worst.

Nonetheless, today was different. I managed to drill and motivate myself to exercise, again. I have been out of proportion for 5 years already. Thinking how slimmer I was once before, just make me realize how I crave to be in the dream body, which I once achieved.

I guess that was the motivation the keep me on my toes at 5.30 am in the morning. I am still amazed.

Doing exercise reminds me, of my days in Melbourne. I actually went to the gym twice a day. Everyday before and after classes. Why? The gym was a just block away from my apartment, plus the cold whether just forced me to find an alternative to keep me warm – exercise.

Well, no point on dwelling on the past. Anyways, I did an hour of body sculpting and jumped on to the stair climbing machine right after. Even within the first minute, I could feel the adrenalin rush as if a volcano had just been erupted. Whooaa! At that point of time, all I wanted was to move forward, pumping and pushing myself to the next level. The after effect was amazing. I feel fresh, rejuvenated and replenished physically, mentally and emotionally.

An hour of heart pumping machine, I just felt so awaken not to mention from sleep. Watching sweat rolling from my face, I just felt a sense of satisfaction. I know it could appear disgusting to speak passionately about my sweat but hey it was hard work, pure discipline and determination.

As I drove to work this morning, with the breezy air slapping my face and the lovely sun shining down on me, I just felt so high on life. I will try my level best to make this exercise a daily routine whether rain or shine.

16.06.2006

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Weekend Bring Wonders

Thank God. It’s Friday today. For most, this is the day where everyone school children, working people and even housewives look forward for its arrival. I for one take pleasure to indulge at the Fantastic FeelGood Friday.

Just a few more hours I will be out of this crazy gigantic freezer. Stupid centralized air-condition!

As usual, work on Friday is always laidback compared to the rest of the days. I can see some are day dreaming of their wedding reception on Sunday, some fantasizing how it would be like to be at the beach rather than finish work for the week. Whatever the agenda, different people have different plans.

I for one have my own plans. I am planning to make this weekend as productive as possible. Like every other weekend, spring cleaning, gardening and reading is something I must do every single weekend. On weekdays a pay a lot of attention to office work, while weekends I take every opportunity to make me happy either go for a massage, facial, entertaining with bloc buster movies and most importantly, being with my dei. Also, I try to keep my family and friends close knitted to my environment. Sometimes, it could be seen as a form of therapy when you just want to share your unforgettable moments with laughs and joy together.

During weekends too, my dei and I make a point to pamper our parents with some tender loving care. Just spending a few thoughtful moments seems like gold to them, which I know once I am as old as them I would feel the same to my own children.

Then comes Saturday nights, which is totally a different agenda. Like many yuppies around town, my hubby and I would just go and indulge ourselves with the hustle bustle of KL lights. Catching up with old friends and making new ones is something we enjoy doing together. Exchanging ideas and experience, information and knowledge is interesting as it gives you personal insights of ones experience or knowledge. In fact, it just sparks up some zest in a wonderful Saturday evening.

In other words, it is not the ambience, or the interior design of a place, or even the food or the service. But, what matters, is actually the circle you are with. The circle you are with depends very much on the common interest, or provocative debates you share with them. The warmth and connection you have each other could lead to extraordinary insights, which make you appreciate your weekends even more.

Giving some thoughts on the coming spectacular weekend that bring wonders, I noticed that my investment on time diversification goes beyond than “ Don’t put all your eggs in one basket”.

16.06.2006

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Sounds Like A Plan

It has brought to my attention that I am not progressing as far or as fast as I thought I would, as I will reach the big 3-0. 30 years of being Nizie.

I started my career late. My father used to tell me how I am a late bloomer. I graduated at 26, which seems to be too mature time for a graduate to start work. In fact when I was in my university days I hope that I will reach to a managerial level by 30. I am almost that age already and yet, nothing. Well, at least not now.

There have been a lot of things that has happened throughout these 4 years upon graduation. My life turned up side down upon returning home to Malaysia from Australia. Sometimes, I wonder how is that a 2-year stay in the land down under could change my perception of life in Malaysia. But then again, it is not the place that played a role in my sorrows.

As a matter of fact, I should think it is because of the transition from being a happy-go-lucky -college student to a serious- full-of-responsibility- career woman. Being only 4 years in the job market, gives more reason why I sound so depressed.

People often tell me, this is the time where your learning curve becomes very steep. The hunger for knowledge, know-how’s and getting to know people will help in the future and should be grasp quickly.

Sometimes, I blame my impatience. I have been into 4 jobs already and presently in my 5th one. I am still searching for my passions, my happiness in what I do best. With a chartered marketer professional qualification didn’t help me much in my career, at least not at the moment.

And maybe I need more. I am hoping to launch my career in consulting soon. However, I believe I need to pursue my further studies in MBA. Do you think with an MBA thing would go swell for me? I don’t know. But I think its worth to give it a shot.

I hope and pray this is the right thing to do. My plans might change. But for now, it sounds like a plan.Wish me luck!

07.04.2006

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My Creed

I see each day as a clean, a fresh chance to write a new script and seize new opportunities. I value life’s experience and seek to learn and grow from each other. In my daily endeavours, I avoid neither risk nor responsibility; nor do I fear failure, only lost opportunity.

I am a responsible wife, daughter, and employee. I give priority to these roles. I value the difference and view them as strengths. I seek to build complementary win-win relationship with family, friends and business associates. To keep these relationships healthy and to maintain a high level of trust, I make daily deposits in the Emotional Fund of others.

In my profession, I am responsible for results. I act with courage, consideration and discretion. I prefer to let my work speak for me and believe in achieving visibility through productivity. In planning my weeks and days, I focus on key roles and goals to maintain balance and perspective. Knowing the how I perform affect how I feel about myself, I seek to do my best and record how I feel in daily entries in a personal journal.

I value my personal freedom of choice and my rights to exercise that freedom. I am more a product of my decisions than conditions I do not allow present circumstances or past conditioning to determine my responses to the challenge I face. I choose to focus on the positive, to work within my Circle of Influence – to act directly on things I can do something about – and thereby reduce my Circle of Concerns.

04.04.2006

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1½ inches at being Bold & Beautiful

It is a beautiful Tuesday morning. From the glass of the 12th floor of my office building, I could see the magnificent greens and minute movements of people on the street. The roads are not as busy as usual. Probably because, its during the off-peak hustle bustle of KL.

I looked around my office space and see everyone busy doing their own work looking tired and lethargic. The cold air condition is not helping either. However, I am glad I am not half tired or sleepy like how I used to be. Why? Because my hair has been chopped!

It was a blessing in disguise as I took the courage to what I precious most –my hair. For as long as I can remember, I have always had long hair. No doubt having long hair brings out the beauty in a lady. Coupled with personality and character, image and the mood, long hair just gives a kicker to enhance a person’s well being.

Nonetheless, I personally feel short hair too give a better effect than long hair. I feel brilliant, energise, happy and enjoying each and every breathing moments of life. It is amazing to feel so much happier than ever While reading through the lines, I could feel my face muscles stretching because the spontaneous gestures. In fact, when I talk to people, I feel my eyes smiles as well. Together with all the facial expressions, I feel this short hair shove out the hidden me, which was submerged for a very long time.

For the record, my hair is currently 1½ inches from my scalp. The shortest length I have ever dared. I know! It was a risk for us women, as the length of the hair depicts our crown of beauty.

But at another light, how you want to style your hair; be it short, long or mid-length depends on your personality. It is whether you want to take a risk or not. This is definitely so me. I love the challenge and explore the unfolded opportunities. You will never know what is install for you until you experience it. If it is not your cup of tea, you are missing out the meaning of being bold and beautiful.

01.04.2006

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A Reason, a Season or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

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I Can Stand Tall Once Again.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Love plays an important part in our lives. Most of us find happiness through love and passion for what they do be it their work, career, families and also their other half. When we are in love, everything makes the world go round. There are hopes and dreams in front of us and we will do anything in our power to sustain this amazing feeling we have inside our soul.Our hopes and dreams shortlive, when he doesn’t go the same direction as we do. Frustration and low self-esteem comes to place .The burden we have on our shoulder gets so heavy, that we ache to stand tall again..Then in time, we will come to realise that we have choices. It is a matter of whether we make the right ones. Our experience with male chauvinist has made us view that all men are bad.Men who cheats on their wives and young boys who experiment their adolescence with older women have a one thing in common. For cheap thrills!As we grow older, we feel our age is catching up . The tendency to long for true love and marriage rises that force us to desperatly look for a man, worst man with string of wives.But at the same time, you feel the need to be married because of family and peer pressure. We may also come to a conclusion that we need to act quickly before we miss the boat. Don’t! Being single is the best choice ever. Definitely.We are smart and intelligent. We capitalise our strengths in our work, our passion and being true to ourselves. Having certain standards in men helps sometime. Not because we want to be choosy but we need to filter and define who we really wanna be with and who can make us happy for life. If we can’t find happiness with people who do not appreciate us, there are people out there who do.Nevertheless, our experience will influence on how we perceive life. Let’s try to change that mindset and open up the window in the morning and come to realise “ Today is a beautiful day”. When we feel confident in ourselves, people will view us more confidently. And when that happens, we may be drawn to gentlemen who would value us as what we are.Therefore, if you feel your relationship is not going anywhere, it is time to turn into a new leaf.With hope from your burning soul, “I can stand tall once again….”.

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I Found Myself In Melbourne

20 July 2004
extracted from My Journal 2004

When I first spoke to my father about going overseas to study, he looked at me with disbelieved. The facial expression was expected. Though my father is an unpredictable man, I knew I had to be ready with all the facts, just in case. To him, justification must be presented and whatever actions I made, comes with responsibility. To my surprised, my father agreed to my plans to go to Melbourne. Simply, because I managed to convinced him that I could do better with my potential life Down Under. I gave him my word that I will find solutions to pull up my socks when it comes to education. He knew that the quality of education here was not up to my expectation, as he quote me. Nevertheless, he gave the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to defend my actions of such drastic decisions. It felt like giving a presentation to the Queen of England. Being the only daughter, I would think he was not sure I would be able to take care of myself in a foreign land. However, he saw the drive and determination I had and finally made a bargain with me. He told me frankly, that if my grades maintained or improved over the next semester, he will find ways and means to get me there. Convincing Papa, was like selling referigerators to eskimo! But eventually I did it. It was hard! Papa may look approachable but when it comes to life decisions, he can be so hard to be pleased. Before I knew it, I was on my way to Melbourne. I managed to keep my balance scorecard with good key performance indicators in my studies. Thanks to my parents.But it was hard work. I basically eat, sleep and doing everything else with the burning desire to meet or exceed my father’s expectations. And yes I achieved it ! It was Melbourne that I found myself. Things were hard for me. Back home, everything was there for me. I would say I was born with a silver spoon. Nevetheless, I had a spoon in my mouth everyday of my life, which I feel so fortunate especially the hardship I faced it Melbourne, so I thought at that time. Being in a foreign land, I had to do everything myself. I had to adjust myself with the environment without my mama nagging and telling me what to do. She was not by my side.However, her voice echoed in my mind and honestly, it felt soathing to my ears too. I truly missed her. Eventually, I knew I had to grow up fast. So, small changes lead to big ones. I had to makse sure that I looked for a home, bills paid and made sure the budget from Papa was enough. From time to time, I had to give a whole report to him on my expenses with justifications. It was a good practice, though. On top of that I had to make sure my grades were always up. I had to be independent to survive and began to realise yes, the world is a jungle out there .At that time, I thought it was the hardest thing to do in life and went through it all the same. But I was wong. Looking back, it was just the beginning. The beginning of my so-called hardship gave me some awareness of others who lived worst-off than I ever did. I saw a homeless man, picking up left overs from the big dumbster and hid himself under the bridge for shelter.It was really cold-zero degrees in tempreature. I looked at my body and realised I had a thick warm coat covering me, while that man was just wearing a dirty looking t-shirt with no shoes, freezing away by the unpleasant cold whether of Melbourne. I really felt so sorry for him but feared to go near and passed him my bread which I bought from 7-eleven, for safety reasons. He could mean harm to me especially I was walking alone in the middle of the night . At that moment in time, I realised how lucky I was. I temporarily had insufficient funds for a week and yet I was complaining. My monthly allowance came late as the local bank had some problems with my telegraphic transfer.While walking my mind kept thinking of that old man, who has nothing to enjoy except for the left over food which he was munching away. I thought to myself how grateful I was to have a comfortable home feeling the warmth from the heater. It was an eye opener for me. I begin to realised that I must always be thankful to HIM, while others may just hope and dream to be in my shoes. I reflected it on my life and reminded myself why I had come to Melbourne – to get the education I needed and to make my parents proud. Other than my supportive boyfriend, that was the one, that pulled myself together and survived.Upon graduation, I returned home, sadly. Not because I did not want to come home to KL but because I discovered myself in Mebourne

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Papa, My Inspiration

2 February 2006

Today, Papa turns 59 years old.He still looked dashing as ever in his black trousers and plain cream shirt. Cream has always been his favourite colour. There was a very genuine and sincere smile papa as Hubby and I walked to the lounge. His whole family was here, finally. It is something hard to come by in the Lokman’s Residence. We got him a delicious classical cheesecake from the new outlet of Secret Recipe at Centre-Point. Since it is still a holiday season, cake of our choices were hard to come by, especially if you want it there and then. What I had in mind was the fabulous, mouth-watering sight of the White Macadamia Cheesecake. However, that had to wait for another beautiful occasion, as we needed a cake that was ready-made. My parents recently moved back to the condominium, again and this time with the installation of a new annoying doorbell. The ridiculous sound of the doorbell could be heard miles away. Fortunately the doorbell had an instrumental birthday song. Nevertheless, the spirit of celebrating Papa’s birthday has somehow made all of us absent-minded on the silly doorbell. “Aahhh! Finally we have a background music to sing Papa’s birthday song,” Sadique said. “ Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, Papa….,” we all sang with full of joy and cherishing the moments. Then, I realised how my father looked much older compared to the days in California, 22 years ago. My mind flashed back when he just turned 37 years old. It was in the year 1984; I was in the 3rd grade, studying in Monta Loma Elementary School. At 37, Papa had 3 beautiful children. Sadique and I were only 3 years apart that explains why I am closest among my siblings, while Said was 6 years apart from me in terms of age. Compared to my naughty brothers, I remembered the memories of the US, at a mature state of mind of a 7-year-old. I suddenly pictured my father coming back from work on his bicycle. He was lean and trim at 37.At that moment, I realised how weird it was when back home my father drives a nice looking car. But probably papa wanted to keep fit, I thought. As I observed Papa I thought he looked younger than his age though his hair was slowly depleting. “Too much studying and thinking”, he will tell me, jokingly. My brothers, Mama and I spent a lot of time with my father especially on weekends and public holidays. We treasured every minute with Papa, as his time was precious. Most of his “breathing time” was spent in his studies and at the lab. Sometime, I could hear Mama complaining but Papa never failed to put his priority right. That was the first, respect I saw in him at 8 years old. In the evening during summer was the most beautiful season in California. Papa would bring us to Fishermen’s Wharf, The Golden Gate Bridge and showed us how beautiful God’s Creation pointing to the hills and mountains. The Mountain’s in Yosemite was spectacular. Papa managed to bring us to Great America, Universal Studio and Disneyland too. It was splendid and looking back I enjoyed every moment I was in the US. But what I treasured most as part as my life in the US was studying in Monta Loma Elementery School. Ms Banta my schoolteacher has once asked me, “ Nazeha (pronounced as Na Zia), can you tell us what you would like to be when you grow up?” Confidently, I told my class “I want to be like my dad. He is a student. He was a doctor back in Malaysia, though. But I am not sure if he still is cuz he only wears his white coat in the lab.” “ Ohh!” Ms Banta would say. She giggled when she heard my explanation. Why do you want to be a student? You cannot possibly be a student all your life. In fact you are a student here in Monta Loma Elementary School. “ But Ms Banta, my father tells me we were all sent here to support him. He is studying in a beautiful university. My dad brought me to his University. Stanford University I noticed the building and the design is nice! It’s the top university in the US. “ That is true, Sweetie. Wow! Your father must be an intelligent man. Even average Americans can’t seem to enter there. It is the cream of the cream.” Ms Banta explained. From than on, my dream to go as high as I can in my personal and professional development has inspired me. I was most inspired on a one breezy summer day where my father brought Sadique and me for a walk along the remarkable Stanford University. I explored the park with Sadique. He was only 5 years old. We were being such brats as if the dragons have been released from their dungeons. We were running here and there, while observing the Americans. We both realised how beautiful the Californian girls are. I couldn’t stop noticing the gorgeous intelligent hunks lying down studying on the green cleaned grass as well. And I was not even 10 years old! At one point during that evening walk, we sat on a bench. It had a magnificent view. The place looked extremely alive and colourful, with all walks of life. The building with landscaping and designs was a piece of art. I could not comprehend and describe how beautiful it looked. The building architecture looked solid and old yet the people around it looked modern and energetic. It gave such good vibes just being there to watch the world around. I notice Papa was in a dazed while looking at the wonderful scenery of Palo Alto and I could not help but to noticed a smile of victory on his face. “ JJ, we are thousand of miles away from home, Malaysia. We are sitting comfortably on this bench looking at God’s Work. The whether is fine, the mountains, the ocean are spectacular. I wouldn’t be here..We would be here,if it was not for HIM. “Apart from from HIM, I have come this far, because of your Atuk and Wan. I was a kampung boy, who wanted to come out from poverty and make my parents proud. With their blessings, I am here in Stanford University with what matters most, my family”, he continued. “ All parents want to give their best to their children. I am proud to say in terms of life, I am better off than how I was as a child.” There is a moral behind my story, my dear. I hope that you or your brothers will make your Mama and me proud. Be better than me and perpetually continue to make success for you and your future family. Boastfully, I told my father, “ I will be as smart as you Papa. I am not sure whether I will be a successful doctor like you one day. But, I definitely want to go to the best schools there is and I will. I want to go to the institution which Ms Banta puts is “cream-of-the-cream”. My father was surprised that I shared this with my class in school. He always tells me, “My lovely daughter is so smart. She never fails to amuse me with her questions and share with me her experiences”. I knew then, I wanted to see that smile again from my father on the day I graduate from an Ivy League university, should that ever come. Over the years, I realised that I have a restless soul that has not find contentment with undying wish to reach to the top. The thought of me an innocent, naïve young girl who never knew the growing pains and the hardships of life made me realised that it is easier said that done. Someday, I pray and hope that I will finally find the real joy of happiness coupled with great achievements while having a lovely family to share with. I would not have felt the importance of education as a life investment, had Papa not implant it to me as I was growing up. Now married, hoping for off springs soon, I am still determine to fulfill my wishes as well as Papa’s, Insya Allah. Papa I hope you had a wonderful time on your birthday. I take this opportunity to tell the world that it has and always been you, Papa, my inspiration

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Not Taking Risk at All

25 January 2006 10.00 a.m Today seems like a better day. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping. Just the roads are busy as usual. Receiving an email from Judge Business School, University of Cambridge has somehow open up possibilities in my current gloomy life. A word of encouragement in that email “ looking forward for your application in the MBA Program, Judge Business School, University of Cambridge. Just this one short sentence brought some courage in me. The excitement. The hopes and dreams just running through my mind. Upon receiving this wonderful news, I just thought to myself. What if dreams really do come true? What if I put some extra efforts and finally am accepted? Do you think it could happen to an average-Joe like me? I wonder. But I would not deny, the thought of it excites me and it could last a lifetime. Do you know what it could mean to my family and me? It really would make wonders for Halmi and I as well for our future off springs. I know I should not jump to conclusion or think too far ahead. But these are things that make us move forward. How we see things, how we perceive about life and the future comes from how our encouragement sits in our minds. We may not see it visibly now, but it is for the future potential inside of us. No doubt, there is a voice telling me “what if you put so much effort and you finally don’t get what you really want”. “How are you going to face these challenges.”? Nevertheless, life is full of opportunities. It is either you wanna grab it or not! Of course there are risk to consider. Nobody says everything is a breeze. But do you know what is even more risky in life? Not taking any risks at all!

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My Dilemma

27 Dec 2005 It is 3.10 pm on a Tuesday afternoon. I look out the window and see how gloomy the whether is. There are fewer cars than normal days. Probably it is because of the New Year holidays. I turn around and hear laughter of my colleague of some crapy jokes he made. I look around and see everyone stucking their nose to their reading materials they have on their desks. Trying to look busy when there is nothing much to do. I could tell they just cant wait for 6 pm, which is far than 3 hours to go. Sigh. Like the rest of my colleagues, my mind drifts away to somewhere in outer space. Thinking and imagining where would my life lead to. Hoping that dreams come true. Finding my inner most passion and contentment of what reflects my personality. Still searching for my empty soul, which waits to be transformed to a beautiful dove with brains. Sometimes, I feel my soul is in an unmatched body. Not that because I hate my physical appearance. But, because I am disappointed in how I am now. I have given in to temptation with the luxury of food, sleep and laziness. Which is not how it is supposed to be! I craved to be the girl who had everything under control, once again. I was such a determined, dedicated, hard-working person, who believed that you can make dreams come true. Just by believing in myself. Be it in your health, career, marriage or anything under the sun. What happened to that girl? Gone with the wind. But wait..! Something hit me this morning. I just realized over the years it is not too late to achieve what you want. I can still be happy. I can still reach for the sky. I can still make things happen the way I want. As a start, I could start putting some effort. Small efforts can create big impact through time. I still could do things I like without sacrificing my happiness. Try to get things in control. It is like doing pilates. It all starts and ends at powerhouse. It may be hard at first, but practice makes perfect. By practicing we will get better. For that, I have started my exercise regime. Being discipline in whatever you do is the key to strive what you want most. Nobody said it is easy. By being discipline, I could still be a devoted mother, a loving wife, and career lady as well as being an individual. Even though, I am about to take this responsibility, I know I can do it. All I need is your support. Just be there by my side. That is all I am asking for.

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A Nutshell of Being Nizie

Being Nizie is easy. Through these lines you will discover how I view life in my nutshell. My strengths to move forward has lead people to believe that I am goal orientated, ambitious with the sky being my limits, dedicated and focused on my vision to be a a go getter in my career, a good wife, and devoted mother ( hopefully soon). A little about me , I have passion in music, literature, networking be it social or for work, sports and fitness. I strive to be an all rounder as best as I can, where the shoes fit I am a size 8. I like to think out of the box, sometimes I can be way ahead of my time. This can be construded as negative but I like to think of it as a positive strength. Looking at a problem as it is laid out is not a norm to me, as I often like to look at it in the big picture. It helps to be able to think in a non-lateral way. Being normal is not being myself. I challenge myself to outdo my abilities and creativity. As they say having fun at work makes a big difference in the work that we produce. I uphold to this idea whereby a challenging and fun work attitude creates results. After all in todays world results will speak for itself and in thus doing so recognition will be credited. I believe that good work should always deserve a pat on the back, but if work standards do not live to its par well feedbacks are always appreciated. On a personal basis, I truly care for all my family and friends. I treasure the friendship I have built since I was playing dolls with my neighbours, my heartbreaking era with boyfriends, the realisation of discovering and rediscovering myself, the ups and downs in my career and many more. Looking back of all the people I have met, I feel so blessed to be encountered to all the beautiful people with all walks of life. And to each and everyone of you, this is a sneak preview of my world being Nizie.
http://niziee.blogspot.com

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